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Que Sarah, Sarah, whatever will be will be
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[21 Dec 2005|10:20am] |
I. Am. Home.
Life is good.
Merry Christmas.
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| The Continuing Drought |
[27 Oct 2005|03:46pm] |
Im watching Madrid change colors under the sun
fading through a maze of grey sidewalks and buildings which mimic seashells
I blink my eyes to catch the dry white lightning
hidden in the shadows.
Air comes freer now, not as caught up in my throat or tangled in my skin.
It loosened its grip on us to prepare for chill nights;
breathing heavy on late hour street walkers
to remind them of winter under muted city stars.
I cup the summer survivors of our terrace blossoms between my palms
and hold them to my cheeks,
desperate to hear murmuring whispers of open fields and dark forests,
but they only know their clay pots,
and their petals scatter to the sea of cars below.
The people wait.
They pray for the sky to rip open,
washing the dust from their faces and drowning the sunshine
out of their shoes and hair.
They wait for a spanish autumn to brighten the edges of their dulling passion.
This is why I am here;
to keep my love safe in a glass bowl held high above the traffic
balanced between the waning moon, and all of Europe.
I must treasure my cool clear water in a city crying out against their thirst,
and I will dream throughout the night of blue eyes and fierce rain.
I miss you.
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[28 Sep 2005|11:24am] |
hello everyone,
I am having a wonderful time in my precious country. I dont feel like going on about places and things, but I can give a visual explanation. Here are some photos for you guys:
( Read more... )
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[05 Sep 2005|11:39pm] |
hello all,
quick update because I dont like leaving my livejournal's last entry to be that very negative one. I have started orientation and I am very relieved to be with other American students and speak english for the first time in days (it feels like taking drugs to speak english after so long of wracking my brain for all the spanish that has been rotting away in there for so long) But it wont last long, after this weekend I am not allowed to speak english with my HWS group, and probably 85% of my time I will be speaking only spanish. This weekend there is a trip for only HWS students to the southern parts of Spain, and I am very very excited for it. The people at Suffolk in my small class of 125 students seem alright, many of them dont make me feel anything-they are just there, but everyone is being very nice to each other, and it reminds me a lot of first years miandering about, scrambling for friends. I think it will be fun to go out with many of them and explore, or go to clubs (still very strange for me to envision myself going to these regularly, and I dont know if it will actually happen. I think I will always prefer bars) I am looking forward the the next few weeks for these reasons:
Supposedly by the third week spanish is a breeze
I will have a group of secure friends that I can count on for travel purposes and finding things to do
any culture shock that I will experience will come and be over by the third week. Although I think if I experience any shock it will be urban shock, as I am not used to the city lifestyle and I think it will catch up to me soon. So, I am having a great time, and I think it will just get better and better. But Im sure if I fall apart you will know it. Until then, buenos noches. Well, for those of you in Los Estados Unidos, Buenos Tardes.
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[03 Sep 2005|06:34pm] |
I hate men. Not just spanish men, but all men. If I didnt have a boyfriend, I would seriously consider being gay. I need to make myself unapproachable, or learn how to be rude, or something. Because something about me right now makes men feel they have the right to:
being easily of age to be my grandfather, flirt intensely with me and then try to kiss me...
fucking masturbate behind me while I am reading on a bench.
yes, some perverted little slug of a human being started jerking off to my back in the park today. It was vile and a little scary and I hate him and his entire sex. And I couldnt even tell him because I dont know any of the right words in spanish. After trying to escape the dirty old man who pretended to be interested in teaching me spanish, I found a perfect little spot that I invisioned myself going to all the time in the future, but now it is ruined. That disgusting creature and his nasty dick have tainted it.
I need to start classes so I can have friends to go places with and am no longer a female alone and not fully capable of the language. It has started feeling like a burden to go out into the city, and I am concerned about it. I dont want to be a recluse, and I feel like I should be experiencing everything around me, but I am so sick of being approached by strangers who may or may not be harmless.
Its ok, tomorrow the other student, Ana, arrives from the states, and on monday I start my orientation, and I get to go on a trip to San Lorenzo de El Escorial on Friday. I dont know anything about it, but it should be pretty fun. and then classes start on that monday, and by then I hopefully will have lots of friends, and wont have to feel so vunerable.
so yeah, Madrid is going to be very awesome when I get used to it. But men will always suck.
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[02 Sep 2005|03:12pm] |
Hola mi amores!!!!
so, it is my first full day in Spain, and I feel dazed. I arrived yesterday around 11, after waking at 3:30 in london to get to the airport on time. But before I delve into Spain, first London:
Warren and I met on the 24th in Newark-he with his father, me with my dad and grandma. After we were slightly amused by our respective fathers introduction to one another- ¨"Im Jim". "Hi. Im Joe" We said our goodbyes and headed into the airport, complete disbelief in both our faces. The plane ride was...well, it could have been worse I suppose. I was with Warren, so I was happy. It was scandinavian air, with was very entertaining because no matter how many times we spoke to them in english they insisted on speaking back to us in swedish, not believing that we could possibly not be swedish. I have never seen so many blondes in one place. Anyway, we got to London eventually, I marvelled at the accents of british schoolchildren, and then we passed out for 3 hours. The next several days were spent in a blissful touristy existence, the only daunting aspect was the impending moment when we must say goodbye to each other. Which unfortunately came all too soon. We saw more museums than should be humanly possible, attended the overwhelmingly massive Notting Hill festival which was conveniently located on our doorstep, and watched a production of The Tempest at Shakespeare´s Globe that was one of the most impressive theatrical performances I have ever seen. Our last activity was the London Eye, a massive ferris wheel which overlooks the entire city. Then we headed back to our amazingly adorable and beautiful little hostel, where for about four hours warren "packed" and we ignored as much as possible that it was the last time we would see each other for almost five months. Then at 4:15 am, a black cab took him from me. I went back to the room and realized I was all alone in London, and that is when it really hit me that I was abroad and I have never been so scared of myself. So naturally being the baby that I am, I sobbed myself to sleep. Although it was difficult to be in London without my boy after this, I forced myself to go out the next day and I wandered around a part of the city we hadnt been too, I splurged on a ticket to see As You Like It on a street that I think is probably the equivalent of Broadway in NYC. I went to an evening prayer at Westminster Abby, and tried to go to a protest in parliment square against the war, but only five very intense looking locals showed up, and I left. The show was fabulous, but I did not know that it was just one big love story, and it made me more sad. Also I was so pissed by the time I got home. Up until that day, I had been left alone by men, as I spent all my time with one. But that day, I was approached by various scum, from all over the world. A french man wanted me to stay in London with him, a spanish man grabbed my hand and started dragging me somewhere saying how much he wanted an american girlfriend, and only let go when I said I had a boyfriend(he was expecially insulted when he realized he was american-sorry warren) museum personnel at the National gallery, homeless men, AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!! But by far the worst was our night shift hostel worker, who after waking me at that early hour, and waiting with me for the cab, all the while hitting on me when he knew perfectly well that my boyfriend had left the day before, he hugged me three times and when I was walking out I noticed he had a huge erection. I almost threw up. But anyway, I am here now.
Spain is another world. I dont know how to describe my feelings right now. I live with an elderly woman, Ana, who is very grandmotherly and kind, her adult daughter, who is sparky and laughs a lot, and their absolutely hideous dog. The good thing is they acknowledge that she is one of the most foul things to walk the earth. Her name is Poecita I think, which I still do not understand, and she is about 1 foot long, with white crimpy hair, and bluish pink eyes that dont work very well because she is albino! The daughter´s name is Isabel, but I have already forgotten her twin´s name, who had dinner with us. I spent all of yesterday trying to communicate with them, and to my complete surprise I was able to understand well over half of what they said, and have been able to hold long conversations. It sounds crazy, but my head is already automatically converting words into spanish, and I am 100 times better at the language than I was yesterday. I dream in half spanish, with leaves me very confused, and by the end of the night last night I was so mentally exhausted it felt like I had been taking final exams all day long. But the apartment is everything I wanted. I have a tiny little room with a blue theme, and a huge window that overlooks the terrace, which is indeed massive and wraps around their apartment. The view is spectacular-I am eight stories over the streets of Madrid, and the entire terrace is covered in plants and trees, because Ana loves them. There are pigeons and small birds that come in the morning, and it all around dreamy. They had artwork everywhere that was done by the other daughter, and I love it. The bathroom is all green just like mine when I was growing up, and everything has a very grandmotherly feeling. The only thing that is disconcerning is the food. My first meal here was a cheese, tomato and ham sandwich with a banana. for those of you who know me, you know that I dislike everything I just listed, except the cheese. And for dinner-stew, with big chunks of fatty beef. It was good, as far as stew is concerned, but so much for being a vegetarian. but dessert was to die for, and when I woke up I had breakfast waiting for me on a little table in my room, with sweet cake and tea. Dinner was lovely because it was four women, myself, and the little dog, and I enjoyed the estrogen. Anyway, that is all for now, I have been in this internet cafe for far too long. My orientation starts on monday, the other american girl that is staying with us does not arrive until Sunday, so I have another two days to myself. I cant say that I do not miss everyone terribly, but I am trying my hardest not to dwell on it. I will update again soon. And Im sorry to the hws kids that I am emailing, because it is pretty much going to be a copied and pasted version of this. I love you all!!!! Adios!!!
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[10 Aug 2005|08:57pm] |
oh dear.
I just went way back in all of my friends livejournals, back to the beginnings for some, and I crave them all in very specific ways. But I have saved random statements and plan on using them as my away messages for the next semester on AIM. If I have AIM. Which I probably wont. I leave in exactly 2 weeks...YeeeeaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! AHHH!!!! AHHHH!!!! That was my ImsoexcitedohholyshitImscaredoutofmymindtoo yell. I leave Geneva in three days. Goodbye Geneva. Goodbye Jamie. What a good summer. I want my college friends like I want a root beer float. Bad.
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[07 Aug 2005|12:09pm] |
I now love these comics. Thank you Jamie.
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[03 Aug 2005|06:04pm] |
I need a new screenname. But as I am unable to make decisions that may affect the amount and intensity that I will be made fun of, I am going to put down the two names that I have and you tell me which one you like better. All I know is it it time to put Ra5PunZeL37 to rest. This should have been done years ago.
apple green love
or
bridgesnballoons
Tell me. Plleeeeeaaassssseeeee.
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[06 Jul 2005|11:34pm] |
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music |
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Jamie flirting like mad with her radio crush on the phone |
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my summer is zipping along faster than I can keep up. I have been in three different states in the past week and a half, and I am making it to four by the end of this week. Ahhh the tri-state area, I cannot leave it alone. The wedding of my cousin was odd as it was a distinct hippy ceremony, but the groom (not my blood relative, thank god) comes from a family of rich waxy conservatives who if they werent so damn wealthy would be soooo dweeby. Well, they are dweeby, there is no denying it. My family was infinitly cooler. And spending all that time with Warren was incredible. I must say that his instant bonding with my brother very quickly proved to be less and less adorable and more my downfall, as Warren's favorite pasttime is to goat Justin/anyone into annoying me, and my brother now worships him. And Warren and I looked HOT HOT HOT in our matching attire. (we both wore brown, and stood out amongst all the pastel). Even in the worst moments of 100+ degree weather in a car with no air conditioning and NYC breathing her hot dirty air in my face, I was happy. I loved seeing my HWS former housemates/basically brother and sister! The ocean was fucking hardcore! The only problem was having to say goodbye so soon and revert back to the fucking telephone. But, I dont have to wait a lifetime again, just two more weeks! And last weekend was fabulous-Oil City is the new hot spot on the map, let me tell you! We did all my favorite activities: made fun of skanks, hung out with younger siblings (I love Lindsay), ate pretzel salad (Strangest concoction EVER-Pennslyvania is fucked up), rode in large dangerous off-road vehicles in skirts, jumped off rocks into rivers and kayaked/boated/tubed/kneeboarded. We even trespassed on private property to visit a haunted Indian burial ground at 1 in the morning when there was no moon and lots of fog. I almost died, but in a good way.
So tomorrow I leave for NYC again-this time to weasel my way into Queens and prepare for friday, aka Hell on earth, aka, The Spanish Consulate as I wait to get my Visa, and get panicky about maybe not having all my documents,etc. etc. But yeah, this is an official statement informing all who are in the vicinity to leave their weekend open as much as possible in order to attend to my needs, which, of course, are all of you, and come into the city to frolick. Give the celly a ring, and we shall be in touch. And so it was, July came and Sarah's free time was annihilated. Vanquished from the Earth without a whisper.
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| fuck this |
[17 Jun 2005|01:30am] |
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discovery of the summer so far:
CHILDREN=ZITS!!!
I have more huge ugly painful middle school zits since I started babysitting Sammy than I know what to do with. Its not funny anymore, I am afraid I am reverting to 13, and its terrifying me.
other than that, everything is well. Im am worn out but the theater job is coming to a close tomorrow. Crab legs with Ralph was really pleasant and not sketchy at all. Sammy is a really good kid. His mom is a little cooky, but I can deal. My face just hurts by the time I leave from all the fake smiling. Warren is coming in 6 days!!! Its cold right now, the weather better knock it off by tomorrow cause I have officially become addicted to the lake and I NEED to go swimming every day. I woke up after a nap today and thought I had slept through until the next morning. I started freaking out and questioning Jamie, until finally I pieced it together that is was 8 pm and not am. It made me feel like I might have been going crazy, and it has prepared me for the future, since its almost a garantee that I will be insane. I have been more hostile about republicans lately than usually. Today I saw a house that was more red white and blue than its paint coat of pale yellow, and their car was an assault of right wing commentary. My first thought was to throw a grenade at it. Maybe I have just become more violent. Thats what happens when your summer job is manual labor. You start to feel like you can kick the ass of anything and everything, including the weather and buildings.
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| mmmmhmmm, gin. |
[11 Jun 2005|12:53am] |
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living here this summer is quite different from any other perspective I have had of the school beforehand. It is so laid back and summer friendly. I adore my room, my housemates are so kind, Jamie and I spend every minute with each other and I never get tired of her, Sarah Wienstein is hilarious and Geneva just sings with warm weather things to do. (I am well aware that my speech is a bit impaired, as I am ferociously drunk-Will and Grace with my girls is the best drunken fest ever) I feel bad about sortof abandoning my friends at home, but I get so bored so fast there, and they all work and its just weird. I have much more fun here where I know how to have fun and where to find people and I dont have to rely on others to be able to do things. At home it was always wait until someone called or someone organized a get together, and I am out of the habit of making plans. I didnt feel like making the transition from college life, where there is no plans, to home life, which is lots of plans. and luckily I didnt have to. I just wish all my friends were here with me. I miss talking to Rachel about life and boys and every random thing, and I miss Laura for our dancing and our weird similarities and how much she balances me out, and I miss Derek for our banter and his understanding, and I miss Chris Blake for being like a little brother, and I miss his posse for always coming up with rediculous stuff to do, I miss Steve and Chris M. and Tom for their endearing geekiness and comforting presence, and I miss Warren because he makes me laugh and I feel like my veins have fireworks in them and my blood is rivers of maple syrup whenever Im around him. Jamie is my sister in many ways and I am having so much fun with her however, we are perfect roommates, and I think the best idea is that everyone else comes here to visit us, especially now because we have a guest room (the girls next door are moving out) Its really awesome here in the summer-the lake is beautiful, and I pick wild onions and other delicacies to cook and smell and I feel like I am young again and I need to pick wild food to survive. Not that when I was young I actually needed to do that, I wasnt starving or homeless or something. But I used to pretend that I was. yeah. ANYWAY...today the basement of Cox flash flooded and I felt like I was in Titanic. No joke. I actually screamed, "is anybody out there, can anyone hear me?!" There was water pouring in through a broken window on my face and my legs and I filled like ten huge buckets but it barely made an impact and I thought I was going to die trying to save our props from distruction. It was literally a waterfall. And I was in it. It was kindof fun, and it gave me the best adrenaline rush Ive had in years. Nevertheless, we got out of work early. I miss all my darlings Sooooooo much but I think this summer will be pretty good. hard work, but sortof satisfying also. I definitly wish the boy was here or nearby to enjoy it with me, but I will just have to deal, and for only a couple more weeks! Then its off to Connecticut with my ass and Warren's, to my waspy family's wedding. But they are waspy in that-we dont own a TV, we just own a mountain way, so its a little more acceptable. Goodnight world.
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[24 May 2005|03:35pm] |
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Its cold in Plattsburgh. I keep the heat on most of the time. Its also wet. My birthday has come and passed, and now I am a twenty year old. Thats fucking scary. It was cute though, with the rents and fam and my girls. I am breaking down and getting a cell phone. Its a terrifying process that I do not enjoy one bit. The employees at Verizon are predators. It has been lovely to see some friends, but I still miss everyone, and I want my boy back. I just spent like two hours changing my livejournal layout even though I never use it, so I felt obligated to update. This is pretty rediculous though. I must stop myself. Bye.
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[30 Mar 2005|12:54pm] |
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Remember 1988? There was a green/brown glow around the world, I think my mother used real cream in her tea, things were simplified like polaroid pictures and commercials for plastic on TV. I got a brother in the spring, a weak waving life, who couldnt come home before the leaves were tumbling from the sky and I could wade in the lake. Our house smelled like sweaty skin and dusty corners; the drip of overripe fruit sitting pretty through a north country summer. I wanted to hold the hands of the people on the train that would echo through our house three times a day, but I was content to be in the arms of my father those heavy nights on the pavement; we could see the lights in the cars on the track even from there. He always remembered to wrap me in a blanket first. My curls fell out that year. We had such small lives, and I had the littlest hands. The neighbor's dog liked to run through our yard, and I started making up a language of innocent girls in my head. 1988 was a time of young parents and tender dreams, of wet gardens spilling mud and half-hidden rusty tools, of a brand new wooden swing under an understanding maple tree, and I was three years old. I was only three.
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[05 Mar 2005|01:24am] |
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Fuck you, you fucking prick.
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[17 Feb 2005|02:20am] |
Im not going to sleep tonight.
I feel like a whirlwind.
bleh.
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| times, they are a'changing |
[04 Jan 2005|11:43pm] |
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 complacent |
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I believe this has been established |
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ok, so Im sitting on my bed, smoking a clove with my window open. I am therefore kindof cold, but I like it. Typing with a cigarette is extremely difficult but also very professional writer-like. Therefore I like it and feel deep. Just to paint you the picture, I have one candle burning on my knee to cover up the smoke, and Lord of The Rings music playing. My new guazy canopy curtain things are up and making me feel princessy. My cat is curled up with me, and the ambiance is all-together very appealing. I really enjoy my room.
Im starting to get bored.
There are coyotes barking and howling and even though it doesnt sound anything like her, I am pretending it is Nutmeg. There is also an owl somewhere very close. Apparently some interesting correspondences are taking place tonight. I've decided I dont mind turning people down when it comes to hooking up with me, or dating me, or whatever. Well, I guess it depends on the person. In fact I know it depends on the person. But in the right circumstances, it can be empowering. I rarely feel assertive about personal relationships, and I enjoyed the change of roles.
I cut my own hair yesterday. I think I like it, but at the same time I feel like I look like a little kid. Its the bob, combined with the bangs that creates this effect. eh, it works for now.
I feel pressured to have sex soon. All my friends are fucking all over the place. Well, I should keep in mind that is it with their respective boyfriends, but still. It would be nice.
So tomorrow I help Grandma take down her Christmas decorations, eat a lovely dinner at her house, and go back to the apartment and get drunk. I am starting to realize that I dont have much time left, not much at all. I leave friday afternoon. This is a bittersweet fact. I was settling into the old routine with the parentals, but now I am remembering that I wont see them for some time. It makes me a little more anxious.
Meghan, Adam, Nikki and I will be staying in The House after I spend a night on the base in Fort Drum in Adam's apartment. I am excited about both these little sleepovers. I get to stay with a bunch of recent war veterans (I must be careful not to drop anything)and then my friends will see my wonderful little cottage in Geneva. This should be fun.
alright, I am going to bed. After staying up till 8 am for no good reason, I am feeling a bit drowsy.
Goodnight, all you princes of Spain, all you knights of yesterday, all you ladies in blue(I believe this is something inspired by a movie I never watched) May good fortune be at your doorstep in the morn.
yeah, sorry, its the lotr taking over.
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| A fresh look at Sarah's life through the eyes of Bridgey-poo |
[02 Jan 2005|06:35pm] |
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So Plattsburgh/West Chazy is amazing, especially when neither sarah nor I have jobs and the freezing rain makes it impossible to back my car out of the driveway. She and I tried our best to orchestrate an old fashioned girls night last night, which resulted in the two of us + Nikki laying on the pull out couch and watching 5 episodes of the OC. It's obviously been a long time since we've done such things considering that when we started to set up the bed we discovered three fat, white, meal worms squirming around on the mattress. I tried not to have vibrant imaginings of them thrashing around in the vacuum bag after sarah ruthlessly sucked them up. Sarah seems uncomfortable with me writing in her personal space, judging from the way that she bugged her eyes out and growled at me when I moved the screen out of her view. So I will end. Hola to those that I met at her little bungalow and Goodbye.
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[29 Dec 2004|07:28pm] |
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one of the sarah chronicles |
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do not get trashed with a group of friends you havent seen for a year. Its bizarre and awkward. And dont eat pad thai before taking four shots. the next day, today, is where that comes into play. Well, I wasnt too hung over, just kind of nausous from the whole night and its wild activities. I get overwhelmed pretty easily I think.
It was fun at the same time, because it was so strange.
yeah, thats all I really want to say.
I like throwing tea parties, and I think culinary cottage is due for many in the near future.
Im going to read my new books and continue my path of doing absolutely nothing. I think its been working out so far.
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